Still surrendering or The journey to the invisible

“ Viewed from the utmost reaches of space, the earth is no larger than a speck of dust. Remember that the next time you write the word “humanity”. ”

Paul Auster, Travels in the scriptorium

There comes a moment in which you discover that you needn't do anything extra.

This moment, slowly but surely, leads into discovery of the amount of extra you actually perform.

Then you realize that you don't need to do a lot of stuff you THINK makes a difference but actually only makes it more complicated.

And then you become shit scared of this new thing - you don't really know how to approach it.

For a moment you feel super passive, almost as if you are not in CONTROL of your own life. (And one just HAS to be in control, no?)

And then, just about as you are ready to loose your mind and like totally freak out -

a moment of pure beauty unfolds right here and now.

A moment of clarity, like no other.

The answer, glowing like a genuine Holy Grail.

The next thing you know you are gliding.

All looks the same, but somehow sill just a little bit different.

Naturally, you do still see the echo of your habits resonating in the space. The new thing is that you find it very light to forgive yourself and continue gliding.

Possible side-effects:

- one becomes more attentive to people smiling.

- stress stops being a word one recognizes in one's vocabulary

- a general feeling of lightness tends to take over and happiness rests calmly on the bottom of the well, supporting, always there.

- light becomes sparkly

***

I wish to balance this text with a bit of pessimism.

On temptation or Letting go

“The temptation to wait until the perfect situation and the right people are in place before you make your best effort is simply avoidance. Do not wait. Your dedication to the given circumstances right now, will eventually bring you closer to others who share your own belief and commitment.”

Anne Bogart, -and then, you act-

A moment:

Chopsitcks are in place, picking food of the plate and carrying it to the mouth. Chewing occurs, approx. 30 bites per load. Digestion beggins. Paralel with eating, round table small talk. Teachers, classes, relationships, who did what with whom last weekend and how does it effect the community. Back to food, then a couple of laughs. Sounds of plates being put on the bar looking thing, chatter going from louder to softer, information bursting out of peoples mouths. Busy brains, busy bodies. I lift my eyes from the plate, and there you are, looking straight at me from accross the room.

Time stops. Silence occurs. Gravity denied.

And we smile.

A moment:

Walking down the street an image comes, the golden star clip on. Sometimes on the collar, sometimes between buttons.

I realize I am not breathing.

A moment:

Going to sleep, brain burning, screaming and pushing all the desires, longings. Going to sleep, letting all the desires, longings, wishes - letting all of the wishes go. Going to sleep, surrendering to the Big Blue. Almost asleep, brain burning, screaming and pushing all the desires, longings. While I let go.

All the moments. Irresistible.

On Memory

“God, the Almighty, the All-knowing, has misplaced a cup?”

from Spamalot

really, very simply

*

one does need not seek for more of new

really

one simply needs to remember what one already knows/has/owns

because magic is not in the stones the walls are made of, or in the frescoes, or in the golden cup

the magic is in the hearts of the ones who open up the space for it

and allow the flow to support

*

as i said

one simply needs to remember that one already knows that