“I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details.”
Albert Einstein
It is hard to articulate thoughts on time when time is being so ... relative.
When I was younger that 14 I remember how time would never pass. Every second took eternity for it's short life and there were so many seconds to live through. Christmas to Christmas was getting longer the closer Christmas got. And the dinner before opening the Christmas gifts was the longest dinner one could ever imagine going through.
And then something shifted. All of a sudden now I am surprised that we are already in another December, facing yet another Christmas. My 21st Christmas on this Earth, in this life.
I guess that this shift comes from my eternal efforts in living HERE and NOW. Doing that my seconds no longer seam as eternity which would eventually make it bad. On the contrary, they seam to be specks of time that I get to live through. And every new second is great because it can remind me that I am not dead. Yet.
It has a lot do to with death. For as I told somebody the other day, you really, honestly, even realistically, can not know which one of these moments will be the last one for you. You can not know when the lights will go of for you.
Which makes me be happy for all the new seconds I get to go through.
This beautiful thought about loving each and every second of my life gets less present at times like these, when I am so full of life that I could just throw up right here and now, when I'm lying in my bed, thinking about the ballet class I didn't even refuse to go to. My body just stayed in bed and I joined in on the party of slow reading and extra sleeping. When my thoughts are running around, completely free, with no one to take care of them and clean the mess they make. When every moment of the day is so heavy for the lack of sleep I am experiencing. When I am so clumsy that I break stuff and hit people and door frames because I don't even bother to estimate the distance... Then the second stops being a blessing and becomes a race, a countdown.
Which makes it, funny enough, pass slower.
The attempt to make it more clear follows.
Living in the present is a practice that makes life actually pass more quickly. And with more satisfaction. I mean, it makes ME feel like that.
But why is that, I don't know. What did figure out goes somehow like this.
The Past is memories.
The Future is hopes, expectations, ideas - basically thoughts.
And the Present is HERE, in my bed, with my computer, and NOW, at the moment, with each letter I time into my computer my pressing different keys on my keyboard.
The Past and the Future are inevitably a part of who I am in the Present. Which does not mean that I need to pay extra attention to them.
But if time is relative (which I know nothing about actually, and now I am sticking to my thoughts on spiritual part of human life) then the Past, the Present and the Future are actually the same moment. They all are here and now.
They are I.
And my ability to be here and have a memory and an idea.
So basically, whether I want it or not, I am only ever truly connected and experiencing this second. This one present second.
Then I try to ask why would I ever want to run away to my past of my present? When anyway they are here with me all the time. Whether I want it or not.
And to go back to throwing up over the schedule, over the house, over the commercialism of art in a way.
Somehow this all helps me to remember that all I ever can do is my best in each and every second I spend on this Earth. And my best changes influenced my all these things around me for if I live here and now my experience of here and now becomes so much more intensive. I have more strength but also I get more tired. And all of that I do for love.
So I finish for I need to go back to the schedule.
(No hard feelings... ;) )
“ Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of a genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction.”
Albert Einstein
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